inexplicable...

I need to be going to bed right now or at least getting ready for it.

Yes I go to bed at 8pm. But I need the money so I can't afford not to work.

Anyways, don't you every feel inexplicably unhappy or angry. Like I have so much to be thankful for and nothing has gone wrong, I'm just in a quiet reflective mood, also I watched Gilmore Girls which always makes me a little sad. I don't know why. It just does.

Maybe I shouldn't watch it anymore but I just love it too.

Anyways, actually I kind of know why I am upset. It's something that was said to me earlier today. It wasn't rude in anyway, actually it was very flattering. But it makes me ponder a lot in my future. I hate not knowing.

Oh man I really hate not knowing what is going to happen or what is going on.

But I also hate to be told what to do. I like to make choices. That's why I chose to come to Earth and have a life and a body.

I'm really grateful for that.

Now I've got Bing Crosby's voice stuck in my head. Which isn't all that bad because he has a nice buttery voice and the song reminds me of being home.

I'm partly in this mood because I'm homesick. Which is weird, not because I don't love my family or whatever, but because I was just there and I never really get homesick until the very end of the semester. But I just really want to go home and be with my family. Sleep on our comfy couch. Play with cutest niece and nephew ever. Get to know my sister in laws better. See my mommy and daddy everyday.

ok this post is getting weird and depressing. I'm going to bed. Also please don't be worried or whatevs sad emotion you may be feeling because of this post. I'm probably just tired and also I'm a girl and we are strange humans who do strange things.