Thursday, March 16, 2017

Not a Feminist

I've actually written a few posts lately but I haven't published them. But I have more thoughts on life about things that are bugging me.

I have been thinking a lot about why I don't identify as a feminist lately. I do believe in equality between the genders. I don't think girls are better than boys or boys are better than girls. I do celebrate their differences. I am deeply saddened by the horrible atrocities women throughout the world are subjected to, such as female circumcision, being unable to attend school, and denied certain freedoms that in the US we don't even give a second thought to. I am so grateful to the suffragettes who helped secure my right to vote. And the women who went into fields dominated by men and paved a way for me to go into science.

All these things would have you thinking that I am a feminist. But I can't take on that label when I read articles written by feminists and find not only the articles but the comments on the articles full of vitriol and bitterness from other feminists. I am even told that I can't be a feminist if I don't support a woman's right to choose abortion. But I cannot and will not ever support that. (That's a post for another day though.) I can't stick up for the men in the comments who offer a different perspective, because I'm "enabling the patriarchy." I can't think periods are gross, or I have been conditioned to think that by "the patriarchy" and I'm some one to be pitied. I can't offer a different take on something that is supposed to be offensive because again I'm conditioned by "the patriarchy." And I'm supposed to take offense to so many things.

Side note: I think periods are gross because they are messy and bloody. I don't like blood. (I can't be a nurse or a doctor because it just grosses me out). It ruins perfectly good clothes. Yeah it's natural. You know what else is natural? Poop, pee, and boogers. All things I find gross and all ways of expelling waste from the body just as your period is doing with the wasted lining of your uterus. I'm not stupid or brainwashed, I think things leaving your body should not be shared with others because it's gross. That's not to say I think it should be a secret or something you never talk about, but I can still think they are gross. I mean obviously I just wrote a whole paragraph about it. 

If you are wondering what articles I'm talking about. Just pick a random article on Buzzfeed that has feminist tones in the title. Or even one that doesn't. Buzzfeed is a horrible place to get your news from, but their articles get shared so much that I end up reading it a lot. I also read articles from Salon, Hello Giggles, Feminist Mormon Housewives and other random things that come up in my feeds.

Not very often do I find an article I agree with on a whole. And when I do there are still people in the comments that take feminism to a whole other level than I can handle.

Look, I understand the concept of what feminism is supposed to be. I get that their are radicals in every group and extremes. But It just seems like in the feminist community most people I hear are extremists. And also condescending.

I want the best for both genders. I want to listen and learn from men and women. I believe our differences can bring us together. I don't think two wrongs make a right. So just because women have been historically subjected to being sex objects in the media, I don't think we should turn around and do that to men. I don't think we should say men shouldn't have a voice at all when it comes to reproductive issues. It takes two to tango you know. I don't think it's right to say only women experience being afraid to walk places, or holding your keys as a weapon. Or when you write an article about sexist things that happen in a relationship but every example you give is what a man does to a woman, you can't be mad when men comment that they have experienced those things from their female partners. And you can't tell them they deserve it because "patriarchy." Or that they still don't understand because most women have experienced these things multiple times.

And those comments are getting tons of likes. It leaves a bad taste  in my mouth.

But it started before the internet too. I remember in elementary school not wanting to get into all the girl power stuff. I've never had issues of being told I can't do something because I'm a girl. I've never been told that. If anything I've felt the opposite. I remember there was a big sleepover for girls only at my elementary school and we all got to sleep in the cafeteria and we watched "Ever After." It was fun. But I also remember a lot of the stuff that was said made me feel like I was being told I was better than boys simply by being a girl. And that's the first time I felt like I don't agree with that stuff. And over the years that feeling has grown.

I think this all stems from the fact that I first think of people as PEOPLE. Every person is deserving of love and respect in my eyes. Every person, no matter what, has the potential to succeed and do well.

I will continue to fight in society for equal rights for all people around the world. I will continue to support those who are willing to work for success. I'll continue to fight against idiots who have superiority complexes. But I think I can do all that without labeling myself as a feminist. I'm a humanist.

*And no, you don't get to comment "But by saying all that you are a feminist because that's what feminism is." No! Because as I've explained in my post that is not what I've seen or experienced, and as many of feminist likes to say "You don't get to invalidate my experiences."

Monday, January 23, 2017

Thoughts on Life

Here's some thoughts I have had for the past year:

  • If you were mad at Bill Clinton in the 90's for being a misogynist creep but you make excuses for Donald Trump's words, you are a hypocrite.
  • If you are mad about what Donald Trump said about women, but you make excuses for Bill Clinton's behavior in the 90's (while president), you are a hypocrite.
  • If you can't take responsibility for your actions, you're not an adult. You're just a big baby who wants to blame all your problems on other people.
  • If women deserve respect just because they are people, doesn't Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, Mike Pence, Obama, Sanders and everyone else deserve respect as they are also human? (This is in response to a popular meme I saw going around claiming women deserve respect because they are human)
  • I'm a conservative I am not
    • racist
    • misogynistic
    • selfish
    • hateful
    • a bigot
    • any other negative labels you would like to throw at me
  • I believe most problems actually can't be solved with money, and often solutions are slow and take time to take affect.
  • I have no problem with Welfare, but let's improve it by adding mandatory classes to help people learn how to improve their resumes, job skills, etc. 
    • As is often pointed out, I believe most people on welfare don't actually want to be on Welfare, but what help are we really offering them to get off of it?
    • And obviously I'm talking about people who are able to work but just can't find work or aren't able to get a job.
  • I don't like Big Government. I believe in local government because local government knows better what the needs of it's people are in a certain area. 
    • Like rural areas have different needs than urban areas. And San Francisco has different needs than Phoenix.
    • And I do believe the Federal Government has a place but it's shadow is growing so huge and it's grasp on our lives is getting a bit out of control.
There's more but I have stuff to do now. Maybe I will post more later. Maybe I won't. I just had to get these things out there.

Friday, December 2, 2016

Lessons My Parents Taught Me

My parents are really smart. And logical. And giving.

Over my almost 3 decades of life (what?) they have taught me a lot of things about a lot of things.

They've taught me to love others. To listen more than I talk. To look for ways to help. To give willingly. To pray. To not be afraid. To befriend others. To work hard.

You get the idea.

Today I will talk about a few specific things they taught me when I was younger that I remember.

  1. "Life's not fair." 
    • My daddy would say this every time I would whine that something wasn't fair. Some of you might think that he was just annoyed with me, and tbh, he probably was because I can be really annoying when I whine. But is there a truer statement? Life isn't fair, be grateful for what you have. Try to rectify what you can to make it fair but at the end of the day, life won't be fair until Jesus comes again.
  2. "God does answer all our prayers, He just doesn't answer them the way people want, so people think he doesn't answer them."
    • My mom told me this when I asked her about why God doesn't answer every one's prayers. It was after listening to a very popular country song about unanswered prayers (You know the one). IDK if my mom remembers this, I was really young, but I've always remembered it and let it teach me to trust in God's plan for me. He knows better than I what I need.
  3. "Fear is the opposite of faith."
    • Both of my parents taught us this often in FHE. I try to remember it when I feel unsure of what is happening in life. And it goes hand in hand with the above lesson about prayer.
    This is the first time my mom got to hold Little Buns.
And a bonus fun one:

  • When you're parking at church, think about where the sun will be when you get out of church and how that will affect the shade on your car. So you don't just automatically park in the shade right away if in 3 hours the sun has moved and your car will be in full/partial sun. I honestly think about this every Sunday.
In short my parents are awesome. I love them and I hope I can teach my kids as well as they taught me.

Wednesday, November 9, 2016

So You're Sad

So, it's 2016, and you're feeling kind of sad now right? 

Well here's some quotes and thoughts to help you look on the bright side...

"If something seems bad, turn it around, and find something good." 

- Daniel Tiger

"Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt lovethy neighbour, and hate thine enemy. But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust. For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same? And if ye salute your brethren only, what do ye more than others? do not even the publicans so?" 
- Matthew 5:43-47
"I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me."
- Philipians 4:13
Our nation is run on checks and balances, a very wise decision, because then one branch doesn't have all the power. Annoying because it then takes a long time for things to get done. But it's better than the wrong things being done quickly.
In the Book of Mormon there is a man who was going around bashing the church, his family and generally trying to lead people into unrighteousness. His family said many prayers on his behalf. One day he was visited by an angel and he changed his whole life. He spent the rest of his life trying to help and lift others, and redeem himself from his sins. He truly had a change of heart. That is the power of prayer. Alma went on to become the President of the Church.  I believe that prayer can accomplish a lot. As well as living in faith.
Living in faith means to me that your actions reflect your faith. That you are going out and trying to be a good example of the change you wish to see. It will do no good to pray and then sit inside all day and complain about how there is no change. Living in faith also means that we trust in God and his timeline. I once asked my mom, after listening to a popular country song on the radio, if God doesn't answer all prayers. She told me he does, just some people don't like the answer so they ignore it or don't recognize it. I think that includes the answer to wait and be patient. It's easy to get frustrated when waiting, but faith can make it easier.
and finally...
Christ's atonement was for everyone. Every single person. Even people you don't like. Even people that didn't like Jesus. Even people that don't believe he existed. 
I had this thought the other day that part of our journey to becoming Christ-like is finding a way in our hearts to understand that even those people are deserving of love, forgiveness, and a chance to change. Even those people can change. 
And you probably thought this was going to be a funny post. 
Ok bye.

Monday, September 26, 2016

Once I was 10 Years Old

A post from a 10 year old Alicia...


Dear J,
     I had to eat school pizza today. It Tastes really bad! Lindsey is a big badby! She hates me! I wish she was 4! I love Jacques C! I think he likes me too. I'll find out when I'm 14. Pokemon, I don't like it. Everyone asks me if I have them I do but sucky ones. I wish I never get yelled at and that Lindsey always has to clean the room!


I changed the name of the boy to Jacques Cousteau to spare the comments from my family. Also as a nod to Friends which I have been watching lately.

You're welcome.

Notice the misspelling then correction of baby. Classic Alicia.

Thoughts on Journaling

I have been journaling since 2nd grade. Not consistently, but yeah since 2nd grade. I love it. It is a way to help me clear my head and get all my thoughts out there and really think things through.

Remember when I turned 22 and I made my "22 List" of things to do that I'd never done and writing in my journal everyday was one of those things? Well I did that and I loved it. Some days all I wrote was "I'm tired." or "I love Adrian!" or "I'm mad." with no other explanation. But that's ok. Most days it was because I was really tired but I had made that goal.

Anyways, I was thinking the other day of how I only really journal when things seem to be hard or challenging in my life and I wished I could change that. But then I had another thought, but you need some back story.

Every night when we put Little Buns to bed there is a routine. Change his diaper, put him in pjs, get his milk, and as he drinks his milk we read to him a chapter of the Book of Mormon. Not one with pictures or anything but just the book (well we read it from our phones because otherwise he tries to tear all the pages). He probably doesn't get a lot of it... or any of it...maybe it's just a way to make sure I'm reading the Book of Mormon everyday. Idk but that's what we do.

Anyways, we've been reading the Book of Mormon and I noticed that the scriptures skip over when everything is going well in their lives too. Literally hundreds of years pass in a single verse because every one is righteous and doing what they are supposed to.

So now I don't feel as bad about not writing as much in the good times of my life. Though now I do try to see the good in a situation to help any one who may read my journals in the future.

Do you ever go back and read your journals and just cringe? Or laugh at yourself? I'm tempted to rip those pages up or build a time machine for the sole purpose of going back in time and punching myself in the throat. And then I'd shout,

"You know why!" and go back to the future.

Anyways, I get really embarrassed thinking my great great great great granddaughter will read my journals and I've been such an idiot. Although there are some good things.

And even with her in mind, I still don't censor myself as I write, because I'm keeping it real, you know?

Ok so if you read this far you should know I'm sorry I've been gone, I'm doing my masters and I am really busy with that. But I decided not to do it on Sundays because I need a day you know? And why not the day of rest. Literally called the day of rest so I'll take it. So sorry about that.

But the real announcement is that I'll bring back my journal posts where I write old journal entries. They are fantastic you guys! Fantastic!

Be excited...

Ok bye.

Friday, August 26, 2016

Being a Mother

Ok you guys, my son is the cutest.

I love watching him grow and develop and learn. 

Little Buns learning to play the accordion
I love his strong little personality.

I love being a mom.

But sometimes, I feel like the worst mother.

I know everyone who is a mother has at some point felt this way. Had this recognition that they are not perfect and they could be doing better.

Admitting that there is room to improve is actually a good thing.  That is part of our purpose here. To learn and grow and develop. To recognize our faults and tr to fix them. It won't be easy but it is totally worth it.

And guess what! By the time you die you still won't be perfect. That's ok as long as everyday you are trying to better yourself. Even if it's a smidge each day.

I think sometimes we make a list of all things we need to be doing to be perfect and it's so overwhelming. It's like when I walk into my kitchen and I'm thinking, "This place is going to be spotless when I walk out." But then I get overwhelmed by the dishes and the mess my son has made with all the recycling stuff and his toys and etc and etc. So I just grab Oreos and milk instead.

So we make this huge grand plan of everything we should be doing but it's overwhelming and we don't know where to start. 

But we have to just do what we can at first until that becomes part of who we are.

Then we can start on the next thing.

Anyways, this post got way off track because I was actually going to make a list of the cute things my son does but now it doesn't seem like it fits in this post so maybe I'll just make a separate post about that.

I had this thought today while I was sitting with Little Buns and feeding him some yogurt while watching my guilty pleasure show "Dance Moms" (new season on Hulu y'all). I don't want my kids to be exactly like me. I want them to be better than me. I want them to take the good parts of my personality and improve on the bad parts of my personality. And that's what I'm trying to do with Little Buns.

I know he's only 18 months but I'm constantly worried about what he'll be like as a 12 year old boy, or a teenager. I'm worried about how he'll treat his siblings (this is not an announcement except to announce that in the future sometime we will, hopefully, have more children).

I guess what I'm trying to say is, motherhood is a journey and not like a Candyland kind of journey where you get stuck in some delicious candy. It's more like a combination of Chutes and Ladders and War; where you have really big highs and lows and the game only ends never. And you never know what's going to happen next.

My advice is to rely on the Savior and our Heavenly Father's plan and always have Oreos in the pantry.

****So I know this post is kind of hard to follow. But hopefully you get it. Like I said it wasn't planned to be this way at all so meh.